I thought that losing weight was the main problem I had in my life. So many things I was discontent with I was convinced would be fixed by the "simple" solution of losing the extra weight I had.

Magically I thought my confidence would increase-- people would be more attracted to me (platonic as well as romantic), I wouldn't feel self conscious in my interactions with others, relationships would blossom. (I don't know the precise details of why I thought my female friends would care whether I carried more weight or less--alleviation of jealousy by me? Who knows.)

I would love myself more based on improved reactions of others. More people would smile at me on the streets, fewer people would be rude or cold or dismissive.

I would feel beautiful--after all, I'm just fat, not ugly. Once the weight is gone, people will see how beautiful I am and based on the feedback I get from them, I'd believe it myself.


Funny thing is this:
All my permanent relationships in my life, my romantic relationship with who I know to be the man of my dreams, established while I was fat.

People told me I was beautiful when I was fat. It made just as little impact as it does now. See, you can't just hear it, you have to believe it. Did I think the adipose was the mental block keeping this from sinking in?

I still feel self conscious. I put my foot in my mouth constantly. I am paralyzed with nerves when talking to someone I don't know or know very little comes up. I replay situations and conversations internally constantly, reevaluating, judging, feeling that nervous shame no less than I did with the extra weight.


Losing weight won't fix your life. It won't fix your self esteem. It may help, I can't say it didn't at least help for me, but it's not a silver bullet.

The other thing about that is that people told me this! It's one of those things that won't make sense until you experience it for yourself.