I used to fault my ex extensively because it seemed like those people he knew who were not directly in front of him, available for a meal out or a night of drinking on a moment's notice, didn't exist to him. (This, unfortunately, included me in much of our relationship.) It was like the amount of attention he paid people was inversely proportional to their physical proximity. His friends from high school who had been there with him and for him for years and years (whose bonds with him were arguably much stronger and less superficial), seemed to fade away when he moved for the army. When he moved bases, the people he'd known at the last base faded quickly from his attention and affections, replaced by those more proximate.
Now I'm realizing everyone does this.
Those people I care about from other times in my life, other places, seem not to exert very much effort at all in keeping in touch and reaching out, in caring for and maintaining our relationship. I've said it before and I'll say it again because I very much still feel it--if it weren't for Facebook, I wouldn't have many friends at all.
I realize this is perhaps a normal condition, a normal reaction.
I realize it's normal for people to have varying kinds of relationships with varying levels of affection, attention, etc.
I just have never been quite comfortable with this.
It always feels to me like I care more about my relationships with people than they do about their relationship with me. With very few exceptions, this is universal.
This is likely a flaw in me. It is not unlike my tendency to feel undervalued in general.
Knowing this, what does one do about it?
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